strange memories

wow, starting with a perfume review! fancy that!

this review has some minor personal revelation included (i.e. it's a personal topic but i have no emotional baggage about it - it's a major positive) so be prepared.

i've been trying this scent on and off for a long time, trying to figure out what it reminded me of in the drydown, and why it made me feel so weird. for the longest time i couldn't figure it out. i had to wear it again today just to see if i could nail it down.

before i talk more about that, let me say that even from the beginning Attrape-Coeur is a very odd scent for me, at best. while the traditional Guerlain notes of iris, rose and violet are part of the composition, when i apply i don't get the usual Guerlain powdery starting blast which those notes would seem to suggest. as a matter of fact, the perfume almost hides on my skin, as though i've caught this fragrance partway through the drydown and it's embarrassed to be caught in such a state of deshabille. it hovers about the wrists in a lingerie state, with the iris never becoming powdery or rooty and the rose never becoming rose-y, but the vanilla and sandalwood come out quickly and form a... well, let's just say i imagine them like two large cats curled up on either side of poor half-dressed miss spring-floral, ensuring that no harm comes to their mistress. on skin that has fewer veins close to the surface, such as the top of the shoulder, there's a stronger rose to be smelled and it's a lush smell, not like the pink tea roses but like the more deep-red indolic smell of rose absolutes. it's as though heat makes miss spring-floral a bit less shy about hanging out in her underwear, but when it's not so warm she pulls up her petals a bit and shows off the outfits.


the drydown is something else entirely. after less than an hour, i get it. miss spring-floral has crashed out on the couch and her cats have gone off to hunt, leaving the amber smell of the bedsheets to come out and play. it is that smell that evokes peculiar memories. the smell that i know i've smelled before.

i figured it out today. i'm not feeling well and i think that's what did it. the smell of the drydown is vanilla-ish, not really woody, something that is attempting to be a good amber, but what is really...

the drydown of Betadine.
in particular, the Betadine surgical scrub i got from the children's ward after i had breast reduction surgery at 17.
the stuff i had to wash with each morning until i had healed further, and how it smelled under my arms when i started to sweat - i wasn't allowed to wear deodorant or anitperspirant for a week, which is a major hardship for a teen.

it's not an unpleasant memory, really - the surgery was a huge (pun intended) success and i was gleeful at the release from my burden for months afterwards. what it is, is strange. the hospital and the week after, to which that smell is associated, was a midway point in which my perception of self was hanging, awaiting the time when i could get out and reveal myself and see how it felt to be someone different according to the outside world. also, the smell of Betadine on me isn't bad, though it is for some others, and while it's not a negative association it's not one i particularly want to revisit all the time. finally, it's terribly distracting to be thinking "iodine scrub? why do these notes smell like that to me?" when i'm wearing something that's called Heart-Catcher.

in a certain way, i find it amusing. after all, the surgery was close to my heart, both literally and emotionally, and it wasn't until after that surgery that i started having any real confidence in myself. ;) it's also vaguely ironic because one of my girlfriends from college felt the same way about her own breast reduction surgery at 17 ;) - part of our initial bonding was over that, and that's a caught heart in its own way.

now, ~4 hours from when it started, the Betadine smell is fading away leaving only a trace of vanilla bean. i wish i could say that this fragrance, with its fantastic name and huge following, was a fave of mine as well. sadly, now that i've pinpointed the memory it's evoking, i won't be wearing this one again.